Define Chaos

Itty bitty baby Quinn If you’ve stumbled across this post, it’s likely because you are about to embark upon a journey you never planned for. I understand and remember that experience well. Learning halfway through my pregnancy that my son would be born with Down syndrome was like stepping into another world. I felt lost, isolated, and angry. I felt as if my life would never be “normal” again. I remember worrying that I would never be able to keep track of the different milestones, the doctor’s appointments, the therapy sessions. And to be honest, these things were difficult in the beginning because I didn’t know where to start. I also wanted someone to tell me the truth about my future; the internet is full of sunshine-and-rainbow accounts of raising children with Down syndrome, but I knew that couldn’t always be the case. Surely these parents were devastated by their child’s diagnosis and exhausted from the extra time a child with special needs requires, but I wasn’t seeing that

One year ago today, my daughter came screaming into this world, ready to make her mark. As we navigated the flood waters of Houston, breathing through contractions and dodging cars going the wrong direction on I-10 in the pitch black 5am darkness because the other side of the freeway was underwater, I should have known Lucy was the kind of girl who would blaze her own path. She was ready to make her debut that morning, and no rising waters were going to get in her way. And as the year has progressed, her personality has blossomed before our eyes, dazzling us with her dimpled smile, demanding attitude, and ceaseless curiosity, all of which I saw coming that morning I went into labor. I knew her before she arrived, and yet now that she's here, she keeps surprising me. One year ago today, I gave birth to my last baby. As a result, I've done my very best to cherish every snuggle, every milky warm breath on my chest, and every milestone, knowing it would be the last time I'd e