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Tuesday, February 24, 2015

The Waiting Game

I've learned something about myself this past month that everyone else probably already knew: I am a control freak. And lately, my skin is crawling with all the things I can't control. We're in a strange limbo land, where all major decisions and events in our life are completely out of our hands, and we're forced to wait for answers to our most burning questions:

1. Where will Atticus go to Kindergarten? The answer to this question is hinged almost entirely on the results of the Houston ISD magnet lottery system, a game that sounds way more fun and Vegas-y than it actually is. Our top schools have anywhere from 900-1500 applicants, but less than 30 spots each, meaning we'll likely send him to our neighborhood elementary school. It's not a bad choice, but also not our top one, so we wait...

2. When will this baby be born? Atticus was two weeks early, Quinn, five. According to my doctor, this means that Little Miss will arrive early as well. Or not. It depends. And when she arrives affects my decision to stay home for the first part of the next school year or start right back up in mid-August (as does whether we can find a daycare spot for her since our current preschool won't take her until she's 6 months old). Added to the stress of what-ifs is that we are supposed to attend three separate out-of-town weddings for dear friends/family in April and May. Given that Quinn arrived so early and quickly, my doctor will deliver her final say on whether or not I can travel to attend these events, but she hasn't said definitively yet. So we wait...



3. What will we name her? We have 4 different names picked out, but I honestly can't decide on any of them! We figure we'll know which one suits her when she's born and we see her sweet face, so we wait...

4. Where will all these tiny humans sleep? When we bought our house last spring, we had no intention of adding to our family for at least another few years. Our house is small and the layout is awkward. Our master bedroom is a converted attic space with low ceilings that works, but isn't ideal. The boys each have their own room, but will be forced to bunk up when Little Miss is born, as this kid has to sleep somewhere. But Quinn isn't ready to share a room or give up his crib quite yet, so the nursery remains his. And I remain impatient to decorate a girl's nursery, paint the walls and store the few things I have that will belong to her. So we wait...

5. To remodel or not to remodel? Given the aforementioned tiny house issues, Brian and I are considering remodeling our home to make it more liveable for our soon-to-be family of five. But tackling this project in a historically-protected neighborhood is no easy feat. First, we have to gain approval from an extremely strict historic preservation board and, second, we need to gain permits from the city itself. Then we need to find financing. The planning process will take just as long as the remodel process, and each step hinges upon the next, so we can't really approach this in small steps or phases. We meet with an architect tomorrow, who is drawing up some sketches of our plans to present to the historic commission with the hopes that they'll allow us to make some modest changes to our front elevation. But we need to be prepared for them to deny the entire project. Either way, it's going to take time. So we wait...

6. Will I ever stop feeling like crap? This pregnancy has been pretty rough on me physically. I had terrible morning sickness in my first trimester and managed to catch two different cases of gastroenteritis so far (the most recent of which was last week, when every member of my family had it for a FULL week...it was a nightmare). Now that I'm entering my third trimester, I've become pretty darn uncomfortable. I'm only 5'2" and have a really short torso, so there's nowhere for this baby to fit. My organs are squished awkwardly under my ribs, which are bruised and sore. I'm having trouble breathing due to said organ-squishing and I'm already starting to swell in my ankles. I still have a looonggg way to go, though, before she's born and I feel any relief, so we wait...

I know, I know. I should stop whining. I've got it good. A fact that has not escaped me in the slightest. I've got a great job, a warm house, and a stocked fridge. My husband is amazingly supportive and has done a nice job of replenishing my Cadbury Cream Egg supply on the daily, and my kids are sweet as pie lately.

Mmmmm....pie...

But the lack of control in my life, the waiting game, is wearing on my nerves. Even so, I'm confident that I'll look back on this time and wish my babies were still so close to me instead of starting their own lives. I'll long for the days when I need to rock Quinn to sleep, or read Atticus just one more book before bedtime, or feel this little girl squirm inside me. She hasn't even left me yet and I already see her slipping away someday, along with both my boys. It's part of parenthood, to simultaneously keep them close and teach them to be independent. It's harder than I thought it would be to even imagine, much less experience in a future that will come sooner than I ready to accept. So I should embrace the waiting game, which feels a lot like time is standing still. Maybe that isn't such a bad thing after all, given the alternative...

1 comment:

  1. How many weeks do you have left? I hated that uncomfortable feeling :/ I'm 5'7" with a long torso and the girls had plenty of room but it's still so uncomfortable.

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