The R-Word

Today is the annual “Spread the Word to End the Word” campaign, in which advocates of the special

needs community encourage people to stop using the word “retard” and all its forms. It’s a day that means a great deal to me now, but wasn’t even on my radar two years ago. It’s probably not on yours either unless you know and love someone with intellectual delays. Even if you do, you might glance at this issue and shrug your shoulders, thinking to yourself that being overly-PC is more damaging to our society than the words we use to insult others. I probably would have agreed with you a few years back, to be honest. But there’s something about crossing to the other side that makes it possible for me to see where you’re coming from, but also insist that you consider a new place to go. Because using words that hurt others simply to be funny, or even because you “forgot” to check your tongue, aren’t good enough reasons to keep using them.

You see, when you use the word “retard” you insult an entire group of people who are often unable to defend themselves. It’s probably why the word has been slow to fall out of social acceptance, unlike words like “ni**er” or “fa**ot.” The goal of the “Spread the Word to End the Word” campaign is to make “retard” so offensive that even open-minded, censorship-hating bloggers like myself have to type it with asterisks instead of letters. But moreover, when you call someone a “retard,” you’re basically telling them that they’ve chosen to do something stupid and therefore deserve to be insulted. This word isn’t used with any positive connotation. It’s an insult, a joke, and a way to point out others’ bad choices. But what you’re really doing is taking away my son’s worth. You’re making him out to be your scapegoat for comedy. And you’re making yourself less of my friend. That’s harsh, I know. But if you can’t respect me and my son enough to stop using that word, then you don’t deserve my friendship (said with Mama Bear claws fully and unapologetically exposed).  

There is a small holdout of medical professionals who still use the word “retard” in the clinical sense. While the intent is not to insult, but to define, most advocates like myself feel that the associated negative connotations have made clinical use of the word antiquated and unnecessary. Even Quinn’s current Early Childhood Intervention services are through an organization called the “Mental Health and Mental Retardation Association of Houston.” When they announced an intended change in the name a few weeks back, there was a firestorm of negative comments on the Houston Chronicle article announcing the change. Apparently, we are too sensitive. Apparently, this organization, which serves most of the special needs families in the city, has no right to change this name when the rest of the population, who have little to no interaction with said group, believe we should have tougher skin. In fact, one commenter said the MHMRA is “an entire taxpayer funded organization that apparently wakes up angry and stays that way. Now, to relieve their anger they want to reinvent the English language.” There was also the token reference to why this is Obama’s fault. Basically, I’m gathering that those who oppose eradication of the word “retard” might be a bit dim themselves. Also, don’t ever read comments on a Houston Chronicle article unless you want to completely lose faith in humanity.  But I digress…

My point is to help you understand the power of language. The words we use have a profound impact on those who hear them. Sometimes they help us see beauty, understand love, recognize challenges, or stir compassion and empathy for our fellow man. There are times when our words incite anger or laughter, too, but is your joke at someone else’s expense? What If it was your child? Your sister? Your friend? And honestly, isn’t there a better word for what you’re trying to say?